Let It Out

Okay so lately I have been building on an issue, well alot of issues related to the same general issue, and I ave found a great deal of anger is inside of me. I am typically not the kind to get angry and stay that way. I fume to my husband about whatever bothers me, and then I am over it and (especially when it involves another person) I tend to ignore the fact that it ever happened. When a "friend" or someone offends me or upsets me, I vent and then I forget... no real anger issues here. However, there is one issue, one group of problems that keep occuring and keep frustrating me and I recently discovered that I am really upset about them. No matter how much I talk to Jared about it, pray, read through some scripture, or try to ignore it, the anger just keeps building up inside and I feel almost a violent rage towards this issue. The thing is, it's mostly centered around someone else, not me. Yes there are problems within this issue that concern me and those are upsetting, but mostly the anger I have is centered around the areas where this issue affects/concerns my husband.
I think I have learned that I am quite defensive when it comes to my other half. Jared and I may have our squabbles and bad days here and there, but ultimately he is the most important person in my life save my kids and I don't take too kindly to people disrespecting and slandering him.
Because of the sensitivity of this issue and those involved I dont want to come right out and say who and what (actually I do but the christian in me is keeping it under wraps for now for the sake of maturity and that whole turn the other cheek clause) but I just need to know the best way to get rid of this anger. Since I am not shown respect by those concerned in this issue, approaching them is not a viable solution, but I am afraid if I continue down this path of rage that it is going to end badly.... I need prayers please and suggestions if you have any. Mostly i think having someone to help with guidance would be nice but I am afraid my search for guidance would be considered more gossiping then counseling from a friend so I remain mute for now.
Guess this is the outcome of what the mind thinks of at 12am. I wasnt planning on going into this that much at all...
Also, while I am already driving down this road, as a parent anyone reading this, If someone were to hit your child- not spank their butts in a disciplinary way but actually hit them- an adult that is realted to you or your spouse, what is the best way to handle that? My first instinct is to rip their head off but I am, and only the Lord knows why, trying to avoid hurting anyone's feelings and causing even more family drama... but I do not feel right stepping aside and acting as if nothing happened for the sake of keeping everyone from being upset with me. Not like they aren't already? Is it ok to sacrifice that type of outburts, keep things under wraps and ignore it in order to please everyone else, when someone has harmed your child whether it was with harmful intent or not? I just need to know that I am not violent and crazy.

Well, on a lighter note Jared has lined up a few more interviews and we are praying for a notice soon on one of these jobs!! Living with my Mom and Dad is proving to be slightly stressful but overall not a bad experience so far! I think the fact that we have alot of love between us and all have a great relationship with the Lord really helps! That and my folks just LOVE spending time with their grandbabies! lol

Regrets

Let me first say I am not one to regret. I believe that life happens as we and the Lord above allow it to and that we should take everyday and every moment as meaningful no matter how crappy it turns out to be. However, these past few months with Chase have shown me that I do have regrets...
I regret that I didn't soak every moment up with Cadince when she was a baby. Things were so hectic with her premature birth, and Ciara was barely a year and a half old at the time, and I just didn't do much. We moved 2 months after she was born and then I started school. Looking back, there are less pictures of Cadie and I remember fewer things about her first year of life. It makes me cry now thinking about how I can barely picture her as a baby, her distinct features, her eating style or playfulness... it's mostly a blur. I don't know why. I know alot of people say that the majority of people dont document as much with their second child as they did with their first, and technically Cadince was my "second" child... but Chase is my "third" and I write down everything and take pictures all the time. I spend hours playing and snuggling with him everyday no matter how crazy life gets. I just womder if it's going to be evident one day in Cadie's life. If she will ever feel different. I spend tons of time with her now, cuddling and playing and such, and we are best buddies... but I can't help regret being a cruddy Mom when she was a baby. Don't get me wrong I loved her ddearly and I far from ignored her as an infant, but I didn't spend the same time invested in every thing she did as I did for Ciara and do for Chase...
One of those things I wish I could do over I guess....