Continuation....

Ciara, my little girl, turned 5 this month! She was so cute in her princess get up! Thanks for all who came and for all the great gifts! It's so hard to believe she starts Kindergarten this year!

I got those trick candles that keep relighting! Hahaha! It was fun because all the other kids enjoyed helping her finally blow them out!

Daddy bought her pink roses for her big girl birthday present! She looked like a little Jr. Miss America!

The weather has been so nice lately! The temperature is up there but there is a nice cool breeze that makes being outside feel incredible! We have been out of the house at the park or wherever almost everyday!

Cecilia was baptized Sunday, April 11th on Ciara's birthday! She was baptized with her best friend Emma so it was an extra special day for her! We are just so proud, She wrote out her testimony and I read it aloud for the church. I was crying the whole time!

My sister and her fiance were here this past week for his R&R from Afghanistan. It was nice to get to meet him and we had a big family BBQ to welcome him. He spent most the time we were around just holding Chase and playing with him. We're glad to have you in the family Brian and stay safe!

The Lord knows how much I love and need my husband. Sunday, after Cecilia's baptism, Jared decided to test drive my Dad's motorcycle (an 1100- big bike) in the church parking lot. Dad had drove it there for the ceremony but wasnt feeling up to taking it back home. After a few starts that immediately stalled, Jared finally got the bike to go... and it went, right into the brick Church building. Scariest moment of my life let me tell ya! By the Grace of God he was wearing all the appropriate safety gear and was only going about 25 mph when he hit. No broken bones, don't know how he managed that one, and no surgeries needed. When the ambulance got us to the hospital we discovered that he had a nice size chunk missing from his left calf. It split open real wide and was a little more than an inch deep. 14 stitches later, Jared is in one piece and recovering just fine... to say nothing of my nerves! I don't think I have slept more than 6-8 hours total in the last 3 days. I am SOOOO blessed! The Lord really did watch out for us that day because I was there, I saw it all, and Jared should not have rolled away from it the way he did. He is lucky to be alive and in one piece and I am VERY lucky to have a wonderful merciful God who let me keep my husband.

Take stock in what you have... Love and Live like there is no tomorrow! I'm telling you, it's the scariest thing in the world to think there might not be another second with the one you love.

Guess that's my update for now. I will try to stay more up to date now :)

Super Duper Late Posts...

In the past few months alot has happened and I am very much behind on blogging about it all!! In summary, My first born (biologically speaking of course) turned 5, My oldest (overall) was baptized, my littlest girl was signed up for Pre-K this fall, my son, now 3 months old, has grown too fast already and he warms my heart everyday, and my husband nearly left this world in a crazy motorcycle accident that he is still recovering from physically and I am mentally but that also just reaffirmed my great faith in the Lord and his many blessings. I will post a bunch of pics with some addlibs.

My little man. This is a month ago at age 2 months. He looks so much like his Daddy, so handsome!

This was his first really big smile... that immediately turned into a big laugh/coo!!! Oh how precious it is when they do that!

Now that the weather has gotten warmer, we have been outside much more. This was Chase's 1st day outside other than going to and from a vehicle. It was the first nice warm day we had in March.

Easter was so much fun this year! We got the kids all dressed up and had a giant hunt at our church! The sun was really bright so all our pictures were of the girls making the most contorted faces! lol!

Chase on Easter watching Ciara and Cadie in their egg hunt. I love his little sweater vest! lol

Family Photos 2010

My little Chase man, in his one month photos looking so handsome and preppy!

My girls, so beautiful and fun!!

This is my absolute favorite, so much so that I ordered a 22x24 canvas of it to hang up!!

Being craaazzzzyyyy as usual!!



My little women, so big and so gorgeous!!

Chase's one month collage... He is such an adorable little guy!
Jared's favorite picture because, at least in this one, he still looks like a little bitty baby!

All in all they turned out pretty good, but you can see what I mean about how incredible the kids' pictures all turned out, especially the one with all four of them!! I don't think, overall, that these are necessarily better than the last ones we took last spring, but I think they are definitely a close second~!

Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think!

Craziness, as it relates to me lately

Well, the past month has been an adventure if we've ever experienced one on the shores of island Golson...
Chase is growing at an incredibly fast rate, or at least I think so because he looks too big already to me =)! He is very healthy and very energetic, is awake much more frequently then before and loves to look around.... and smile! He is right under 6 weeks old right now, and that sounds so old! He has been a little colic lately, and we have had many a night with no sleep and my poor little baby scrunched up and screaming so hard he is bright red... but when he doesnt have these episodes, he is the perfect little baby and sleeps most of the night only waking up 2-3 times!!
Having a new baby in the house has led to some rivalry and jealousy...but mostly my girls fight over who gets to HOLD Chase and who gets to HELP with him! lol! My big helpers... they are such amazing sisters!
Jared can't seem to stop taking pictures of Chase. He is constantly snapping pictures with the camera, or his phone if the camera is not near by. I love it, but it does make me regret not getting as many pictures of Cadince when she was a baby, and negelcting to take pictures practically at all the past year or so because we didn't have a working camera. We have a bazillion of Ciara as a baby, there are very little of Cecilia as a tiny baby but a decent amount of her from age 1 on... but Cadie missed out on the photo obsession, and we have little of her besides her first days of life when she was in the hospital and first home....
We went and got family pictures taken, and I will post them in the next blog. They ended up ok. I really really really love the kids pictures, but I was less pleased with the overall family pictures.

Now for the craziness....
Yesterday was the day from Hades, hand delivered to me by a horrible messenger straight from that "southern" location I swear!! I ended up at Walmart when everyone else and their brother opted to visit the store as well. After a very stressful, for lack of a better term, day at the store, I was stuck at the checkout in a hurry to get home to Cecilia who would be getting off the bus at any moment. The cashier took her time, and I almost punched her, but lucky for her I refrained from doing so. When I finally made it out to the van, towing all three younger munchkins and a cart full of groceries, I loaded everyone up and was just finishing buckling Chase in when it happened... some woman whipped into the space beside me wayyyyy to close to my van, and HIT ME! Not the van , mind you, ME! She slammed on the brakes, but no before her SUV bumped right into my right hip and pushed me into the van! I looked at the woman right in the eyes and she paniced and drove off without a trace!!! I was so stressed, running late, and now in pain so I circled the parking lot looking for my hit and run friend, could not find her, and so I left to get home. I was hit BY A CAR! What a day! lol! Then to top it all off, when I got home, I spent 2 hours working my butt off on an English paper that, was due Wednesday (a fact I did not know until after I did all that work and sumbitted the paper) and so, I received no credit for it and, because there were only 3 papers and thus 3 grades for the class and I missed one, I failed!!! Well, I have to withdraw anyway... what a day!!
Well, now that I have made sure to document the worst day ever so that I can enter it into the Guiness Book of World Records, I will get to posting the pictures... that's what everyone actually wants to see anyway! lol

Why I have been away soooo long...

Well, 2010 has been quite eventful so far for us!

First things first, Chase Everett Wayne Golson was born January 11 (his Aunt Jacky's birthday) at 10:19pm. He weighed 7 lbs even and was 20 inches long. He came out with a head full of dark hair and dark dark eyes! He is, by far, the most precious little baby boy I have ever seen... but I MIGHT be biast!

We came home after only one full day at the hospital and we have been settling in as best as we can. The girls LOVE having a baby around and everyday they are doing everything they can to help, asking to pick out his clothes and even help change diapers! I can't seem to find the desire to put him down ever myself! I did, however, realize I had forgotten what the sleep deprivation was like! I had not been sleeping well the last few weeks of the pregnancy, but at least when I slept it was for 3 or 4 heavy hours. The past few weeks, finding even one hour of good sleep time has been hard! I am in school full time and my work-load is extensive some days. The days I have to leave for school are the hardest for me and, admittedly, this is the first time I have been so down afterwards. I am debating on seeing my doctor about PPD, because my emotions are more high strung than normal, I cry for long periods of time doubting my abilities as a mother and whether I am a good one or not, and sleep deprivation has left me with a strange appetite change.

Other than my insane meltdowns, however, I am SO happy to have Chase home! He is a blessing and everyday he does so many incredibly adorable little things I couldn't possibly list them all!

Here are some pictures of our newest family member:

He is definitely a welcomed addition to this Golson bunch! I was so scared to have a boy, but I am head over heels in love with this little guy!! I am so blessed!

Fatty McFatso... or Fat Fat as my Sister calls me! =)

This is me... bored, playing with my food which I was soooo taught NOT to do...at 35 weeks!







Jared and I went out on a date, FINALLY, in an attempt to "bowl the baby out" as Jared put it... I am 37 weeks in these pictures! Oh goodness it is going to be a challenge to get back down to my ideal weight... 140!












Well, I am 38 weeks and still pregnant. I have decided, if my little bundle of joy (law requires I see him as that, though somedays I view him more as pain in my butt, and back, and hips...etc! lol) has not come on his own yet, we will induce on the 22nd. The 19th was what the Dr. told me was the earliest and, as much as I want to be pain free, that is a Tuesday and I have classes Monday-Thursday so...the 22nd is a Friday and that gives me the whole weekend to recover, bring my baby home, and minimal time for Jared to have to take leave from work! Wish us luck and a healthy baby!

Waiting to Exhale

This Pregnancy has been the most eventful in my opinion. With Cadince, we had an emotional roller coaster waiting to see how early she would be, then when she was born and we could not bring her home it was even harder. Her first two months were touch and go with respiratory problem after problem and, even now at age 3, she still gets pneumonia at least once a year and always worse than the rest of us. I thought that was hard (and it really was) but I didn't think there was going to be a worse... gee whiz! Don't you just love when the Lord says "Surprise!"!!! lol

With Chase we have experienced our share of anxiety over when he would be born, whether he would have mental and physical handicaps, and what our futures would look like with any of these problems. We discussed changes in our lifestyles and how our family would adjust to the big changes we foresaw. Thankfully, we are beyond blessed, and Chase is now completely in the clear for any handicaps besides possible clubbed foot, he is full term and still cooking =), and the changes we will have to make consist mostly of adapting to raising a little boy at best! Everyday I am not only amazed, but I am eternally grateful for the miracle the Lord has sent us and the struggles his wonderful love and our faith have brought us through. I have had doubts in my faith before in the past. I have struggled with my life with Christ and Jared and I have both experienced times where we felt completely abandoned by the Lord when times have been exceedingly tough. I ashamedly admit that those doubts and lack of faith moments have caused me to stray from my christian path more than once. The few months prior to finding out about this pregnancy I went through a life change. Jared and I were on the verge of a divorce (we were seriously discussing child arrangements, living arrangements, him moving out of state, and dividing up our possessions) that was not going to be pretty and our lifestyles were not modeling the christian attitude and path they should. I prayed for the first time in quite a long time that the Lord help me through it all and guide me so that my girls would not suffer for their parent's issues. I was so overcome with emotion during this time and it was almost as if I saw my life from the ghost perspective. During the longest prayer I think I have ever committed to, I saw my life as it should be and completely reevaluated the direction I was going. I was overwhelmed with love for my family, and for my husband (truthfully a feeling I had not experienced for many many months) and made a decision that changed everything. I talked to Jared after that, explained to him my faults and the faults of our marriage and explained to him the path the Lord had empowered me with on how to save our family. Everything changed then. I now, more proudly and passionately then I have ever imagined, can say I have an AMAZING marriage and friendship with my husband. We started rebuilding right away and then, out of nowhere, learned we were pregnant just a few months later which just made everything so much more vital. This past year has been the biggest emotional roller coaster we have ever experienced but it has definitely been the most rewarding in our lives somehow as well!

Now, with all that seemingly pointless insight into my personal life=) I will get to the point of this blog.
I am soooooo sick of being pregnant! lol! I am only 37 weeks, and I have only 2 weeks left before my doctor said she will induce me (the 19th)...these conditions normally would not be such a big deal, but the combination of a hip fracture (ouch!), 14 hours of preterm labor at 33 weeks that ended with no baby (ouch! again), and the constant influx of bronchial infections...well it makes things a little unbearable. Physically, this has been VERY difficult and I am ready to be over and done with the pain! I really don't care if that makes me a bad parent in some people's eyes, because it truely is not me being selfish, it's me being human! (sorry, felt compelled to say that)
Emotionally, the strain has been pretty crazy as well. Each time I go to see my doctor (2 times a week) she tells me that I am 3cm and about to pop anyday. She assures me that I will not make it another week and that we will have a baby soon. Though, up to this point, Chase has been considered a preemie and him coming early would mean a hospital stay, I have to admit I would get excited. I mean, what woman goes through her pregnancy with the mindset that she DOESN'T want to see and hold her child?! Who DOESN'T get excited about loving that little one and bringing them home into the family?! So, we would get all excited and ready...and Every week, we would end with me...still pregnant! As soon as my contractions would start picking up, we would pack up and drive the 45 minutes to the hospital, often at midnight or later, with the hopes that THIS time we would end up with a baby. Each time, we sat in the hospital for a few hours just to be told I was STILL 3cm and there would be no baby again that night. It's exhausting! My mind and body even would prepare for the arrival of my son and I could practically smell and feel my little boy. I could imagine myself holding him and snuggling him. Each time they said no it was as if he was being ripped from my hands and I was being told I could not have him... it sucks!

Well, obviously Chase is still not here and we have no idea when he will arrive. I am full term now so when he does come he will be able to come home with me after he is born!!! At 39 weeks, January 19th, my doctor will iduce if he has yet to be born but I am hoping for an earlier delivery. School starts up nexy Thursday, the 14th, and I would prefer to be in and out before then! lol! I pray for understanding, less emotional stress, and a quick safe delivery very very soon! I only need to dilate one more centimeter and they will augment me when I go in! PRAY! It works!

That's my ramble for the week... signing off now, still pregnant, after taking up practically my whole blog page! lol!
Oh, and Laura, I have taken pictures this week and I will post them as soon as we get the printer fixed so I can download them off of my memory card!! Hopefully tomorrow or Thursday! =)

Living in Fast Forward....

....and I need to rewind real slow....!!!!
The year is almost over!!!!!!
Time goes by so fast. I look at my girls and I wonder, everyday, where they went. The young ladies I see can't possibly be my little baby girls.
Cecilia is such a young woman already! She comes home from school everyday with something new and interesting to tell us, some things, I admit, I am not ready for her to know...but for the most part she just fascinated me with her mind! Today the news was that a boy in her class...bet you know where this is going...is IN LOVE with her and just so I know, she is NOT happy about that! Thank the Lord! I know, with little beauties like mine, Jared and I are going to have one heck of a time in years to come with boys knocking the doors down to get to them...of course, when those boys come face to face with the 45 they might change their minds! lol! I am just not ready to deal with all that yet!!!
Ciara is growing so fast. She has new questions to ask me everyday, new facts to tell me from what she learns on t.v. or from Cecilia, and many many ideas in her head! She has gotten so tall, sprouting up like Cecilia our little giant, and I can't help but think back to day one, holding her tiny little body...far different looking than the long blond haired 4 year old in front of me!
Cadince, my little Cadie bug, though obviously bigger than she was at birth is still so tiny...but she is 3?! How did that happen?! She is still majorly struggling with potty training, and a broken collarbone has not helped the matter, but she is growing up just the same. I am amazed by all she can comprehend each day and how she can understand more and more of what we say and do. Three years ago she was just a little preemie baby, so tiny and fragile, and now she is my big girl...about to be a big sister! Yes, I definitely miss my little girls!
I realize today that, despite the craziness I have gone through the past few months and the insane 27lbs I have put on the past 33 weeks, I am about to not be pregnant anymore and I am oh so sad!!! Any day now Chase will be born, and I will no longer have a little miracle inside me. Since we have decided that, barring some insane twist of fate, this will be our last baby, the idea is even more tragic to me... no more waking up in the middle of the night feeling the baby kick, no more crazy cravings... it will all be over soon...already?!?!
Why does everything precious have to go by so fast? Why can't we slow down the wonderful parts of life?! The Lord knows what he is doing, this I know, but sometimes...well it's hard to say goodbye to those moments that take your breathe away!
On the plus side..... my little man will be here soon! I feel completely unprepared as nearly every mother does right before the baby comes, but I am so excited to hold him! Everyday is another day closer to touching him and loving him more than imaginable! What a blessing that will be!

I want to say that, unfortunately, hard times bring out the truth about certain situations and people. I have found that, there are many friends I thought Icould count on that I indeed can not. My family has been so supportive and constantly involved with every step of everything and I appreciate them more than I could every explain. My sister has been living with me, my on call emergency system if you will, and has helped keep me sane in my time of "captivity"! I get phone calls from family states away every week to stay up to date on the situation and many friends and family who can not be here to help, still offer prayer and assure me I am loved. For those who don't know or understand, in times of trial and pain and worry...sometimes the most important things is to know you are loved. I have made friends during this period in my life that i hope I never lose and I hope you know who you are...people I never had any contact with before really have become supportive aspects of my life. Thank all of you who have cared and who have been there, offering meals, relief, and support to Jared and I during this crazy time.

As far as Chase goes, here is the update... figured I should get to that eventually =)

I am 33 1/2 weeks along and just got home yesterday from the hospital where I was in preterm labor for 16 hours! Blah! I was put on the magnesium and 12 hours later my labor finally stopped. I am dilated at 3cm and counting...if I get to 4cm they cannot give me the medication to stop labor. If Chase is born anytime within the next week and 1/2 he will not be able to come home right away...he will spend a few days to a week or so in the NICU for his lungs to develop. Right now he is about 4 1/2lbs and I have already had the steroid shots to help his development along faster. My doctor expects that he will be here within the next week, though it is possible (not likely but miracles happen) that I can hold out for another 2 weeks. In all likelihood and probability we will have a baby by Christmas.
For those trying to stay updated, please pray for us. I desperately want to bring my son home once he is born, Cadince's 10 day stay in the NICU was nearly unbearable. Pray for his health, our patience, and our understanding of whatever decision the Lord makes for us. I suppose I am done rambling and updating...don't know when I will be on again as I am actually contracting pretty bad tonight... by as soon as we know more I will try and post!
Thank you so much and Bless you for your prayers and support, even if it is silent...

inspiration...even though you didn't ask

Sometimes, all you need to get through the day is for someone, somewhere to say just the right thing...or tell you something they heard once. That person is almost ALWAYS my mother and I am so thankful. Thank you Mom... I love you!

This is something we should all read at least once a week!!!!! Make sure you
read to the end!!!!!! Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain
Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio .

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It
is the most-requested column I've ever written.
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come...

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves

30 weeks

These are a bit blurry because Jared took them with his camera phone and his hands were not perfectly still the whole time! But, here are some pictures, posed by my husband, of me at 30 weeks! Chase is measuring a little bigger than average, but not huge...Thank the Lord! This is our bassinet for the little man!

I found this sign very appropriate since we are having a little CHASE and we always encourage our kids to follow their dreams as far as they can reach and way beyond... It will go over his crib!

I look and feel humongous, but this if for documentation purposes, especially since I have not been keeping up with pictures like I should! Here the girls wanted to be in a picture so Jared had them stand with their hands on my belly! If it wasn't so blurry it would be even cuter!
All in all I can't complain too much. Being pregnant obviously means getting a little bigger and gaining some weight. I have gained just under 20 lbs so far with 10 week left so that is about average and I am ok with that! Now that I am on bed rest though, I am afraid of those pounds that will just be sitting around multiplying! lol