Let me first say I am not one to regret. I believe that life happens as we and the Lord above allow it to and that we should take everyday and every moment as meaningful no matter how crappy it turns out to be. However, these past few months with Chase have shown me that I do have regrets...
I regret that I didn't soak every moment up with Cadince when she was a baby. Things were so hectic with her premature birth, and Ciara was barely a year and a half old at the time, and I just didn't do much. We moved 2 months after she was born and then I started school. Looking back, there are less pictures of Cadie and I remember fewer things about her first year of life. It makes me cry now thinking about how I can barely picture her as a baby, her distinct features, her eating style or playfulness... it's mostly a blur. I don't know why. I know alot of people say that the majority of people dont document as much with their second child as they did with their first, and technically Cadince was my "second" child... but Chase is my "third" and I write down everything and take pictures all the time. I spend hours playing and snuggling with him everyday no matter how crazy life gets. I just womder if it's going to be evident one day in Cadie's life. If she will ever feel different. I spend tons of time with her now, cuddling and playing and such, and we are best buddies... but I can't help regret being a cruddy Mom when she was a baby. Don't get me wrong I loved her ddearly and I far from ignored her as an infant, but I didn't spend the same time invested in every thing she did as I did for Ciara and do for Chase...
One of those things I wish I could do over I guess....
Our Walk Together
2 comments:
i don't think you should beat yourself up over this. it's pretty evident why you didn't take as many pics or spend as much time......you didn't have the time and you were young. you had another young child to take care of. i feel this way about leila, and the boys, for that matter. i am enjoying loni more than any of the others. i think alot has to do with the fact that the boys were barely 2 when leila was born...my hands were pretty full. with a 3 1/2 year gap, the other 3 kids are now very self sufficient and i CAN take the extra time with her. i also think being older and more mature plays a big part. we realize more what is important and what is not. look at the diff between your parents as tey were as parents and as they are as grandparents. i'd bet most would say, the grandparents are much better that way than they were as parents. not sure if i'm making sense after midnight either but bottom line....treausre the time now....no need for regrets if you build the reationship from here on out. :)
Thanks for that! I kmow I shouldnt be so down on myself about it but its hard bc I almost feel guilty about how much time I am giving Chase. The things we stress about as mothers!
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