Oh yeah, we had a baby! lol

Well just call me slacker! I am finally posting about Chessy and she is two months old already! Guess I got too use to doing everything on facebook and I have neglected my blog too much!
Here is the i important info:
I was set to be induced at 5pm on January 6 but my contractions hit big time at about 7am that morning so I called my doctor. She told me to come on in and get checked just in case... well I was dilated to a 4-5 and this being my 4th baby she expected it wouldn't take long before our little girl arrived so she sent me straight over to L&D. Long long long story short, after 9 hours of waiting around for the doctor while in very active labor (contractions 1-2 minutes apart) she finally showed up to break my water.... (baby girl did NOT want to drop down and finish dialting me stubborn gal!) Not even 15 minutes later we were holding our beautiful baby girl. Up until just a few short moments before the doctor came in to break my water, however, we had been set on a name for out little one. She was going to be Chesalyn Dee Golson. Dee after my Aunt Marcy Dee. We decided we'd call her Chessy D for short :) But, right before she was born I got a phone call from my best friend, Danielle. She jokingly said we should name the baby after her-- which we quickly reminded her that all our kiddos' names began with "C" and Danielle did not. Once we got off the phone though I started playing around with the name Chesalyn Danielle Golson... I had never considered it before as even an option but it sounded so pretty saying it out loud so I brought it up to Jared. He played around with it to but could not make up his mind and in the doctor came to get things rolling. As soon as Jared held her though he looked at me and said "let's do it, let's use Danielle, it does sound pretty together" and so we did. We had Chesalyn Danielle Golson at 5:22pm on January 6th. She was 7lbs 12oz (by far my biggest baby yet!) and 20 inches long. She looked HUGE compared to what I remember the others looking like and I could not believe that she had not only lasted as long as she did after trying to come out at 29 weeks, but that she was so big and healthy! What a true blessing! Oh, and calling her Chessy D still works! What a plus!

The girls were SOOOOOO excited to get to come in and meet their new sister at the hospital. Ciara and Cadie didn't remember coming back to see Chase two years before so it was really cool for them. Chase was too little of course but we had the nurses bring Chessy to the nursery window so he could see her! He loves her so much! He wants to hug her and kiss her and bring me everything I could ever need for her like such a big boy helper. He turned 2 just 5 days after she was born and has been such a big boy! The girls are all my little mamas helping take care of Chessy, Chase, and things at home. I am one proud momma!

Can't believe it took so long for me to post lol! We love having our newest addition around, she adds such fun and love to our lives!God is so good!

Motherhood

I realize that I am no expert in the field, but I have been thinking alot about motherhood lately and a few things came to mind I wanted to jot down. This is for all you Moms out there:

Life changes after you have a baby (whether it be the first or fifteenth time)

• The moment you finally deliver your little one starts what I like to call the "Magic 48". This refers to the first 48 hours after birth where nothing can phase you, nothing can distract you away from your baby- not even sleep. You don't remember anything about your labor except that when it was over you got to meet your new center of attention, even if your labor lasted 20+ hours and involved stitches, forceps, and a manly looking nurse whose hands were a little too big for your taste.
• After these 48 hours starts the "Wake up" when you snap back into reality and realize a few things you didn't quite notice before. For example: Your body has just gone through pure hell. You can't quite put a finger on it but something just does not feel right about your "lower region" and you wonder why the doctors do not have you on blood transfusions considering you are practically draining gallons by the hour. - You start to slur your speech and have episodes where you can't quite remember 10-15 minute intervals here and there. This is because you are only awake on the outside, on the inside your mind starts hibernating to make up for loss of sleep.
• If this is your first baby, you can't wait to get home and start your family time, sleep in your own bed, and start having visitors over. If you have done this before, you contemplate faking a small injury to get an extra night stay in the hospital because, though you love your other child/children, the peace you get in a private room is heaven compared to the house you left behind that needs to be cleaned, where laundry has to be done to make up for the days you were gone (because we all know no one does laundry but you), kids need to be washed and groomed properly, and meals are NOT delivered to your room. You also know the idea of actually sleeping in your own bed is far from reality. Let's not forget the visitors. While you appreciate the love and excitement of your friends and family, you wish you could just hang a sign on the door that says "No visitors please-because if you wake my baby who I just spent 3 hours calming down and finally putting to sleep I may go completely psycho-mom-meltdown and strangle you. Thanks"
• Over the first few weeks after baby come home a routine of sorts starts to come into play and you can almost claim sanity- that is if you could just manage to sleep more than 2 hours a night and if you could figure out how to get baby diarrhea out of your new blouse, and if your other children didn't seem to suddenly come down with the worst bug ever so you spend the few hours you could be sleeping cleaning up vomit all around the house. I swear there must be a rule somewhere about that- your kids can not remain healthy when you bring a newborn home. I mean, that would make things too easy right?!
• You form a love/hate relationship with your breasts. On the one hand, you have to admit they look great. You can't remember the last time you walked down the hall, even dressed up, and your hubby couldn't keep his eyes off of you. Now you can be in sweats, hair in knots, and baby spit up on your shirt and he can't pull his little peepers away. Even more, he makes innuendos and comments about your "new developments" on a regular basis. On the other hand, your breasts are no longer your own. You can't look at your baby, watch an even remotely sad movie, take a hot shower, or steal a hot kiss with the hubs without niagra falls taking place beneath your bra cups. It's like your boobs are PMSing 24/7... and there is no stopping it. Plus, our bodies are built to supply nutrition for our babies for as long as they need it, so basically you are now an all hours bar of sorts, specializing in milk on tap and on demand.
• Let's talk about hygiene... or lack there of. The first few weeks home from the hospital are all about learning about your baby and establishing a relationship with them. This leaves little time for other things like showers, mani-pedis, hair dye touch ups, shaving, and sometimes in extreme cases, changing clothes more than once a week. The funny thing is, you notice but you don't care. You aren't leaving the house anyway so no one has to see you like this but your kids and it doesn't phase them... that is until you become so scary looking your kids have nightmares of monster mommy
• Sex? Please! You must be kidding! To your partner's dismay, intimacy takes a major back seat to motherhood. The idea of him even touching you can cause pain, nausea, or sometimes anger. Your still have a body full of hormones and let's not forget your total lack of sleep. If he can manage to get you into bed, $50 says you fall asleep before he can superman change into his birthday suit. It's not that you don't love them anymore, it's just not a priority and the memories of labor are still fresh in your mind. (let's not forget that it's all their fault we had to go through that right?!)
• How can one tiny little person go through so many diapers in one day?! I am a firm believer that in those first few months there is no such things as too many diapers, baby wipes, spit up rags, or onesies. There are all essential items that I start stocking up months before baby arrives because you'd be surprised just how quickly they go through them. It doesn't take long before you start counting down the days until you can start potty training... I mean, does a child really have to be able to walk first?
• There are few things more exciting then clothes shopping for your newborn. You will spend more money on an outfit for your baby then you would on yourself- and it will contain 1/20th of the fabric. Tiny baby shoes, hats, sleepers, even bibs. You are hard pressed to walk into a store and NOT buy something for your baby, even if they don't need it.
• A picture is worth a thousand words. You take more pictures the first year of your child's life than you will over the course of the rest of their lives. I have caught myself snapping 15-20 pictures of the same exact sleeping pose/face my baby is making, just because it's "so cute!" and then a few hours later doing the same thing for pretty much the exact same sleeping portrait. How else do you fill a camera with 300+ pictures in a day when the typical newborn sleeps 19 hours a day?
• The "aww" reaction never really goes away. No matter how many kids you have, each time you bring a new baby home all the same things that amazed you before amaze you all over again. Every little yawn, every sneeze and stretch, every curled up fist or hiccup your baby makes is just simply too adorable for words... hence the "aww".
• When the day is coming to an end, no matter how exhausted you are from your busy day, it seems unbelievably hard to separate yourself from your baby. The very idea of laying your little one down and walking away, no longer holding and kissing and cooing over your precious bundle, actually makes you contemplate staying awake a few more hours instead of sleeping. How can you be this insane? You are so tired that when you go to the bathroom -one of the few places you actually can find a few moments of quiet- you take cat naps and pray you don't fall off the seat, and yet you would rather put off rest a little longer just to stare at your baby. Who knew a sleeping child could be so fascinating.

The craziest part of all this is how incredibly worth it all the sleep deprivation, loss of social life, and insanity really is. There is nothing more precious, more heavenly then holding and loving on your new special little family member and even as they grow older you can not imagine your life without them. That's the true joy of motherhood. Knowing you have helped bring such an amazing person into this world, and getting to shower them with love everyday of their life. Sure, there is ALOT of crap you go through being a mom, but I have never met a woman who would say they'd change one minute.

Hold your babies, even if they are 35 years old. Love them and take their picture, ooh and aww over them, brag about them to everyone you know, appreciate every moment you have with them... because you are a Mom, and that's what we do... that's our blessing in life.

Way to be positive Doc

Today I saw the doc. Told her I was staying positive about the whole bedrest thing and the dislocation drama. Told her I was dealing with things well and that I could handle little setbacks.... and guess how she responded?! With crappy news of course!
Geez, don't you just hate when someone steps on your positive attitude! I know she is only doing her medical responsibility but it still was frustrating.
So. For a few days I have been having what seemed like Braxton Hicks. Simple contractions that are quite common during this stage of pregnancy so I more or less dismissed them. When they got a little too intense a few days ago I propped my feet up, drank plenty of water, and took it easy until they eventually went away. I mentioned this to Dr. Lisa she decided a cervix check was in order. Turns out my cervix is still closed (thankfully) but it has gotten too soft for comfort. For the frist time my overly bubbly doctor seemed genuinely worried. I am 26 weeks and she has put me on some crazy meds that I can only take to 32 weeks.... and after that I am very liley to go into labor and they will probably not be able to stop me since my cervix has shortened and gone soft. Go figure.
The meds she put me on have all these crazy serious side effects too! Like stomach bleeding (which she warned me was quite common), swelling, and fetal risk. Plus, the continuous intake of the meds lowers the amount of amniotic fluid in the womb which of course is not good for the baby or me. Add that to some placenta previa and a dislocated hip and geesh is it difficult to keep smiling. i actually cried this time. I have a strong faith- the strongest faith I have ever had in my life and I believe completely in the power of prayer and in God's grand design--- but sometimes it does get overwhelming. I am grateful for my health and Baby C's. I am grateful for my amazing husband who is so strong and so supportive that I don't know what I would do without him and his waiting on me hand and foot. I am grateful for my wonderful kids who are constantly running to my side bringing me water bottles, rubbing my swollen feet, and checking on me- offering hugs and kisses whenever I feel down. I have the best family in the world. They are always calling to check on me and asking what they can do for me. I have awesome church friends who have offered meals and childcare to help me stay on bedrest without feeling like I neglect my duties to my family. Most importantly I have an amazing God who has NEVER let me down and has ALWAYS taken care of my family.... so we will survive.... but keeping a smile on is proving hard right now.... this too shall pass
Please send prayers our way. Only God can get us through the impossible and only through faith will our hearts feel lightened.
I love you all for your support too. Thanks

Holy Cow!

The previous post was super long! Geesh! Here is a shorter one! LOL!

Autumn.... the beauty of it all

I love autumn! I love the cool mornings with warm afternoons. I love the smell of pumpkins and autumn leaves. I love hot cocoa on my deck while wrapped in a light blanket watching my kiddos play in the yard. I love hoodies and wraps and scarves! I love autumn!

Ok, now that my poetic run is over there is a bit going on here I should docment.
We have been back home in Clarksville now for a little over 3 months. I am so glad to be back home! I love being close to family and friends and being able to be back at my home church!
I have been working as the Assistant Manager at the studio and Jared has been excelling as a recruiter in training for the National Guard. Both of us have found jobs that we love and are very happy in... and though I know it sounds negative- somehow I should have known things were gonna tilt-a-whirl! lol

My pregnancy- week 24 1/2 now- has been the best one I have ever had. I had minimal morning sickness, minimal exhaustion, and little moodiness (unless you talk to Jared I suppose lol). With Chase, as I am sure some of you remember, I suffered from a severe hip pain on my right side. My doctor first suggested that Chase was sitting on a nerve causing the pain and eventually came to the conclusion that I must have suffered a fracture that eventually healed wrong. So, for 2 years I have been dealing with this pain and situation figuring there was nothing I could do about it. Well, when the issue still bothered me during this pregnancy I confronted my doctor again and was finally sent to physical therapy... Lo and behold the Therapist diagnosed me during our first session-dislocated pelvis! Apparently a common pregnancy condition, most women who suffer from it can only take the uncomfortableness and pain for a short period of time and are "corrected" within weeks. The therapist was so incredibly shocked with my 2 year battle she called in 3 other therapists as well. The determined there was jsut shy of a 5 in spread difference between the location of my right hip and that of my left. The equivalent of wearing a stiletto heel on only one foot for 2 years! ha! no wonder I was "complaining" so much! lol
Anyhoo- I began seeing the therapist and let me say it is soooo not fun having your entire pelvis relocated!!! But the pain in my hip has greatly subsided, temporarily though. According to her, I will continue to fluctuate between neutral and dislocated over the course of the next few months until we get everything strengthened and corrected. Boy does it hurt to fluctuate!
Upon this discovery of my pelvis' unfortunate location (must have had an outdated mapquest) the therapist also discovered that because of my 2 year stint as a crooked individual my spine is also crazy messed up - yep because Im that lucky- and could take an additional few months to correct. Worse case though, at least by this time next year I should be ok and uncrooked for good! lol
This spinal pelvic craziness has unfortunately led me to become a bit of an invalid temporarily... I am not permitted to do anything that involves pelvic movement because there is such a high risk of dislocating (and photographers have to bend, twist, lift, and chase) so I was put on desk only duty.... until the doc found my placenta previa at my ultrasound! Really? Thankfully its not a severe case so there is a really good chance it will correct before delivery- but I have had some spotting and pain and so I am not on indefinite bedrest! boooo! I have the chance for recovery- which I am holding onto with faith- but until then I cant work :(

This would not be the end of the world if it weren't for the wonderful military system! Jared's orders are temporary until the slot he is training for becomes available. Since Oct1 started the beginning of the new Army fiscal year--- all temp orders for non-permanent personnel are discontinued until the new budget is decided upon (ya, I am stuck waiting on Obama) and dished out.... meaning my husband is no longer employed as well :)

Blessing (there always is one!): Jared received his midtour bonus finally and we were able to at least pay off rent for the rest of this year until January. We took care of other little things here and there that will keep us from dishing out more each month (i.e. credit cards). So- we have also been saving up paychecks and can comfortably survive the rest of 2011 barring any unseen insanity that may pop up. This gives me time to heal up and Jared time to secure another job until the new buget is instated.

We really go back and forth alot with fortune... though there are alot of really hard times in our past that have come close to breaking us, we have a strong faith in God and He has ALWAYS got us through our flippity floppity times. I have been dealing with pain for a few years that has at least subsided some and that I now know the cause of. We have a wonderful addition going to be joining our family in a few months and we still dont know the sex on purpose!! How exciting!! We have a strong relationship and have gotten through much worse.... and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!!!

Overwhelmed with Crappy Mom Syndrome

Well I am officially hard core back at work now. I have worked everyday but Sunday for the past week and I have Thursday off then nothing all next week (the studio manager is leaving on vacation now that I am back so I am running the show which means even when I am off I am on call). I thoroughly enjoy my job and it feels great to be back at work. The weird crazy part that i wasn't really thinking about ahead of time was the Crappy Mom Syndrome that comes with being back at work and having a full time job. I have crazy nights, due to my pregnancy, where I sleep very little and what sleep I do get is sparatic and light. I get up early in the morning because this crazy baby has an internal alarm clock that doesnt allow me sleep past 8 no matter how hard I try and I get ready for work. I work 9-11 hours away from my kids and then drive home tired. I walk into my house and lo and behold- it's just as trashed and insane as it was when I left and all I can do is trip over randomly placed items while I yell and scream at my children about the mess I see instead of greeting them with hugs and "I love you's" like a good mom would. We have lived here a month and frankly nothing much has been done. I am ashamed to have anyone in my house and I would rather pack up my entire family and drive out in the heat to meet up with a friend or family then have them step foot in my home. The other day I came home from grocery shopping to find that my psycho dog had torn apart 2 trash bags full of garbage that we had just set by the door so we would remember to throw them in Jared's truck to run to the dump. I, being pregnant and not of sound stomach, could not even be in the kitchen it was so bad. I had to gag my way through picking up half exposed diapers and dinner scraps. Judge me if you will because it wont make my house any cleaner nor my life any easier so it's not going to affect me, butI threw that dog out of the house and just started screaming. I yelled at the kids about how they leave messes around the house and how they don't clean up after their breakfast, I yelled to myself about how Jared should have taken the bags with him that morning instead of leaving them sitting around the house, and I yelled because I was so ashamed of my home that "I" didn't even want to be there. I have obviously seen what it is like to fail at being a house wife- or any kind of wife for that matter. My kids are always walking around on eggshells because they are sure I am about to yell at them for something. Don't get me wrong, my girls do neglect their responsibilites and show little appreciation for rules- but they are 9, 6, and 4, and don't deserve a crappy mom who cant take care of their home or properly provide for her family without having an anxiety attack or psycho break down.
I am not here blogging about my failure at the moment to get pity or pep talks- please dont think that- I just dont know how else to get this through. I can't talk to my husband about any of this because he already has to deal my outbursts and moody tantrums as it is. He should get a medal for putting up with this crap I have been dishing out lately.

Needless to say I am overwhelmed.... with crappy mom syndrome. I am kinda stuck dealing with it, but I just can't seem to find a way around the freak outs and the stress... God grant me serenity, peace, and let me be anxious for nothing.

New Words & Crazy Antics

My son develops more and more everyday. Well duh, but I seem to realize it more each day now that I am home all day!
He LOVES to dance! He shrugs his shoulders up and down- throws his hands in the air- shakes his whole body- and claps while he spins in a circle! It amazes me how he can walk around for two seconds and then fall on his face because he has crazy balance issues (probably because of that big giant tummy he has sticking out in the front) but he can spin in circles and dance and not fall down!
He is 18 months old now, and it hasn't gone by as terrifyingly fast as I thought it was going to but it still seems too early. He is a smart boy. He knows his basic sign language- eat, all done, drink, milk, more, play, apple, banana, please, thank you, sorry, and for "I love you" he puckers up to give kisses! I was worried for awhile that teaching him to sign was going to affect his learning to talk and in some ways I think it has, but he is learning more everyday so I am hopeful. He can say, "eat, drink, please, thank you, hi, bye, love you, night night, mama, dada, yeah, all done, up, xander, doggie, milk, and bear." He also says "down" in the funniest way ever! He GROWLS it! its the cutest thing when he gets all rough voiced and says Dooowwwnnn! I think it's because we taught him up and down at the same time and when we would say down we were throwing our arms down real fast and it came out more growly. I love listening to him learn new words too. He tries to copy his sisters when they say things to him and when Jared and I say things to him too.

Cadince, my tiny little Cadie Bug, has developed a new infatuation with proving how tiny and cute she is. She has been randomly putting on Chase's clothes, or old baby clothes that I have been sorting through lately trying to decide what to put aside for the new baby, her old clothes size 2Tish that we are setting aside for charity- basically anything that she shouldnt be able to fit into.... and the crazy unrealisitic hilariously unbelievable part is, she fits into all this stuff somehow!! Yesterday it was Chase's old Halloween costume from last year- a 6-9 month Chewbaca costume! She put it on, Ciara buttoned the bottom buttons and the buttons in the back, and the only aspect that showed that could convince you it wasnt made in her size was that it started at her knees instead of her ankles and went to her elbows instead of her wrists! lol! It was just so funny!

So far everything is going ok with the pregnancy. I am 13 weeks now and so I am hoping that as I finish out this first trimester I can stop feeling like crud. I started back at work this past week. Golly I missed it! Of course right now it's just a few days here and there but in a month it is going to start picking up. I am crossing my fingers and hoping that one- I am not sick or dealing with crazy preggo stuff that would cause an interference and two- that the constant busy days and long hours will helpme stay in great shape during the pregnancy and I wont have to worry about getting anywhere near 200 lbs! lol! I shouldnt, regardless, but with this being baby number 4 and me not having been as active as I SHOULD have these past few months before the pregnancy, I am worried I am going to gain like 40lbs or something! Good news is, this is the end of the first trimester and I havent gained anything yet! I have been nauseous alot but not actually getting sick very often, I get fatigued and blah feeling but it comes and goes, and if I do too much it makes me feel like I am having heat stroke but I can focus enough to swallow the yuckiness and continue on.

I did want to say one thing I feel very positive about too! My son sleeps in his own bed. Last night I felt like a bad Mom twice. The first time was when Chase was fussing in his room not wanting to sleep and I let him crawl into my bed with me and Jared and tried to persuade him to fall asleep with us. It hit me what a bad idea that was. Jared and I had always been cautious with the girls. They slept with us for the first few months bc I was nursing and I liked the closeness, but once they were about 7 months old they were in a crib- usually in another room. The girls take turns some nights sleeping inthe bed with me now that they are older when Jared stays up really late playing games or when he is out of town, but they know they have their own beds and that that is their primary sleep spot. I had always kinda vowed that I wouldnt let my kids get use to sleeping in my bed because, as they say, old habits are hard to break. Plus, frankly, it can get in the way of any kind of love life with my husband! I'm not impyling that decision anyone else has made regarding co-sleeping with their kids is wrong, just so I am covering that base, just that it is not what I want for my kids.... anyway, the second time I felt like a bad Mom last night was when I took my son-still awake- out of my bed and put him back in his room, laid with him in his bed for a few moments, then left him screaming again as I walked back to my room. He had a horrible day yesterday- no real nap and it was a busy day- and he needed his mommy, but I didnt want him getting use to sleeping with me so I let him scream and cry for 25 minutes before he finally fell asleep. I know, in my own twisted way, I did the right thing by letting him self soothe, as he has had to do before in the past... but any Mom knows it is not easy to listen to their baby sad and in emotional pain.
I know I said that was a positive thing and really it is. I do know quite a few friends who are struggling with their little one sleeping on their own and I do not envy them. I feel blessed that my kids have been easy adjusters to my crazy rules and such. I feel blessed that my parents taught me to prepare for when my kids get older- habits that they could develop because of how they are raised as younger children- as infants, I know to get them ready for and to take actions to avoid now.

Oh my goodness what a long blog. Guess thats what happens when you wait to update.
BTW, we love being back in Clarksville, near our families and friends, and our new place- just gotta get around to unpacking finally! lol

BIG secret!!!

Just thought I would go ahead and post it since we have officially told all our family... We are going to have our last baby! I am due in January so this little one will be almost exactly 2 years younger than Chase which is exactly how we wanted it! We are so excited but in some ways it is sort of bitter sweet for me knowing this will be our last one. I know alot of people in this world, even my close friends and family, think having a large family is insane and, well to some, its irresponsible and stupid. I, however, have always known I would be a Mommy to many and there is nothing that makes me happier than being a Mommy! Jared and I have pretty much said we wanted 5 from the beginning and we didnt want them so spaced out that they couldnt get relate to one another and we both decided a few months ago it was time.
I try so hard not to let the criticism and reaction of people bother me when we say we are pregnant each time. To many I can tell that it's pretty much expected we are just going to be pregnant every year-- "that's just Jared and Jessica, they are ALWAYS having another baby" kinds thing... and we are about to have 5 kids in only 7 years of marriage but here is the kicker... GOD decided this path for me just as much as Jared and I decided it for ourselves. We always pray and discuss the matter before we even think about trying to have another baby. As luck (or sever misbehavior as a teenager if you wanna be glass half empty lol) would have it I started having kids young and so I am able to say I will have all my kids (5 of them) before I turn 25 years old. This to me gives me an advantage over waiting (not that there is ANYTHING wrong with being older and I certainly will encourage maturity for my children before they have kids) until I was older to start my family. I have so many things I want to do in my life and in 5 years, all my kiddos will be in school and I will be 29 and in college about to finish my degree (if I havent completed it by then which God willing I will) and I can start my career without worrying about trying to plan having kids around that. You might see me a selfish or even ridiculous, or just think Jared and I have never seen a Trojan commercial lol, but really, we were meant to be parents and I could not ask God for a better occupation, blessing, or purpose in my life than to be a Mommy!

Sorry for the crazy weird rant in the middle, just have had a lot of unenthused people with "rolling their eyes and exclaiming AGAIN?!" reactions and it does hurt when I feel like others arent as excited as me just because I already have a few kiddos. Every life brought into this world is another life that can be lived for the Lord and having 4 kids already in no way belittles this baby to us or to the Lord in any way! I am just as excited as when I found out I was pregnant with Ciara, Cadince, and Chase and when I adopted Cecilia!

Week 9 Report: So far there has been a wonderous heap of nausea and heartburn in my life lol. That's how I knew I must be pregnant last month. I had had 2 full weeks of straight heart burn everyday no matter what I ate or drank. I stopped drinking soda and eating anything spicy and practically ate a whole box of Tums in 2 weeks time with no change! This baby wears me out too. I feel crazy lethargic all the time and when I am ready to eat I have to eat right away or I start to feel very ill and then can't eat at all. I practically live off of water and animal crackers right now! My first OB appt is tomorrow June 17th. That's when we will hear the heartbeat and get all my routine bloodwork and such done. Right now it looks like my due date is January 16, 2012. We have discussed our sex preference and have both decided we don't have one. While we would love another boy so Chase can have a brother to play with, we will be just as excited to have another little princess in our lives. Of course this baby will be another "C" baby. If we have a girl she will be Corralee Patience and if we have a boy his name will be Chanton Frederick!

Million months

So, I have noticed that I haven't posted in a few million months. Since my last post I have adopted a child, changed careers, been blessed (well duh!), Jared has gotten a new job (also part of the blessing thing!), my children have graduated from another year of school, and we are about to move.... AGAIN! lol

Adopted a child say what?!
Jared and I have been married nearly seven years. In those seven years there has been one very important thing that I have been wanting to do but there always seemed to be something keeping me from being able to (finances, timing, situations, etc). Well, on our 6th anniversary last year, Jared took me downtown to meet with a lawyer about being able to have me officially adopt Cecilia! We paid the man a katrillion dollars it seems, signed enough papers to buy a house, and played the army game of hurry up and wait. Well, 6 months later, on March 1st, we had our court date and all of the paparework and legal mess was finalized. Cecilia is my daughter!!! Now, before all this adoption stuff, you would of ended up pretty brusied and sore if you had tried to tell me she wasn't my little girl. I may not have been the one to bring her into this world, but I am the only one who loves her like a mother does, I am the one who potty trained her, was there when she lost her first tooth, taught her to read and write, cried when she left for church camp the first summer I was away from her for a week, taught her to swim, kissed her goodnight every night for 7 years, and will be the one crying the day she leaves my home. She is as much my child as the girls and Chase are and there had never been a difference in my mind or in my heart.... the only difference there is now is that it's all legalized on paper and NO ONE can EVER take her away from me! She stood infront of that judge and touched my heart so deep when she said I was her Mama and she was happy that I could finally adopt her and be with her forever! Cecilia one day you will read this and I just want to make sure you know-- I feel EXACTLY the same way!

I haven't officially changed careers, just fyi :) I went from being a regular associate at the Portrait Studio, to running my own studio, to stepping down for awhile to be the one at home because of Jared's new amazing amesome spectacular job, to getting everything ready to move out of our new town to head back home and go back to my roots! lol! What a jumble.
Jared's new job is in Clarksville so it just makes sense to get back there! He got the call about 2 months ago to take up a job as a full time National Guard recruiter!! They're gonna send him to school in the next few months and then he will fill the slot of a leaving recruiter so we want to be settled in back home before he starts up as full time because the fall months are the busiest!

Cecilia is now officially a 4th grader (geez how the heck did that happen?!). Ciara just graduated from Kindergarten and is now a 1st grader (Lord help us all!). Cadince finished up Preschool top of her class, and she is more than ready to be a Kindergartener next year! My tiny little Bug is about to be in KINDERGARTEN!!!! Now I am shaking in my skin! I am so not ready for my kiddos to be growing up but then again what can I do about it?! haha! Just gotta be thankful for the time I have with them and hope and pray I have taught them all they need as they grow.

Well I'm gonna wrap this up. Seeing as how most of the people I try to keep blog tagging with have closed me up from their blogs and since I have been so lazy blogging this probably won't be read by many but I need to keep up with this thing for records purposes! lol!

Oh, and P.S..... We got another big secret too but its a work in progress so we will reveal it when the time comes!

Stolen from everyone else! lol

TEN FACTS

•Name - Jessica Marie Golson

•Nicknames - Mommy, Mom, Jess, Sis, Wee-Todd (dont ask), Babe, Mamamamamama (chase)

•Any birth marks - yep

•Hair color - darkish brown with red and blonde highlights (that need a touch up soon)

•Natural hair color - ummmmmm??? blondish-reddish-brownish- every colorish

•Eye color - golden

•Height - 5’7"

•Mood - exhausted

•Favorite color - yellow

•One Place You Want to Visit - Venice, Ireland, Paris, Alaska..... :)

TEN THIS OR THAT

•Love or lust - love

•Cats or dogs – doggies

•A few best friends or many regular friends - both

•Television or internet - internet

•Chinese or Indian food - chinese

•Wild night out or romantic night in - wild night out with the hubby that ends with romatic night in

•Money or Happiness - happiness.... and money??? lol

•Night or day - Night

•MSN or phone - phone

TEN HAVE YOU’S

•Ever performed in front of a large crowd - yes

•Ever done drugs - no

•Ever consumed alcohol- yes

•Ever been on a dance team - yes

•Ever been on a sports team - yes

•Ever been in a drama play/production - yes

•Ever owned a BMW, Mercedes Benz, Escalade, Hummer or Bentley? - nope

•Ever been in a rap video? - Sir-Mix-A-Lot asked me but I was just way too busy haha

TEN LASTS

•Last phone call you made - Jared

•Last person you hung out with - Kids

•Last person you tackled - KIDS

•Last person you IM’d - not sure.... not a big IM'er

•Last person(s) you went to the movies with - Jacky and Jessica Burlesque!!!

•Last thing you missed - a call from the kid's school

•Last thing you ate - chips and salsa

WOULD YOU RATHER

•Pierce your nose or tongue? - Monroe

•Be serious or be funny? - hilarious

•Drink whole or skim milk? - whole

•Spend time with your parents or enemies? - parents

ARE YOU

•Simple or complicated? - complicated on the inside but relatively simple on the outside :)

DO YOU PREFER

•Flowers or candy? - neither really

•Gray or black? - black

•Color or Black and white photos? - depends on the pictures

•Sunrise or sunset? - sunset

•Staying up late or waking up early? - soooo not an early morning person :)

DO YOU PREFER

•Sun or moon? - moon + stars

•Left or right? - right

•Sun or rain? - rainy sunny days are just memorable

•Vanilla or chocolate ice cream? - chocolate

•Vodka or Jack Daniels? - neither really

•Nervous Habits? - laughing when I am scared, jabbering

•Are you double jointed? - nope

•Can you twist your tongue around and roll it? - yes

•Can you raise one eyebrow? - yes

•Can you cross your eyes? - yes but I get the worst headache when i do

•Do you make your bed daily? - depends on how i slept the night before

QUESTIONS

•Which shoe goes on first? - depends on the shoes lol, heels= right foot, tennis= either, boots= right, flip flops= left usually

•Ever thrown something at someone? - yes

•On average, how much money do you carry with you? - $3-4

•What jewelry do you wear? - wedding band, earrings, belly button ring

•Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? - twirl until i get slapped in the face too many times, then i cut it

•Have you ever eaten Spam? - i lived in hawaii!!! lol spam musubi! spam and eggs, spam and rice... as long as it is fried up right its like fried bologna

•Favorite ice cream? - cookie dough

•How many kinds of cereal are in your cabinet? - 5

•What’s your favorite beverage? - pepsi, lemonade

•Do you cook? - yeppers!! love it

LASTS

•Last Alcoholic Drink:? - Amaretto Sour

•Last Car ride? - coming back from Bowling Green

•Last Movie watched? - Braveheart- because I LOVE it! lol

All it takes is one

Yesterday I stopped in at work to help my girls for a few hours when I knew they were busy, even though it was my day off. While I was there one of MY regulars (she comes only when she knows I am working lol) showed up after being out of town for almost 2 months! I was excited to see her and when I went to give her her pictures she came to pick up she exclaimed all surprised, "Oh my gosh you have lost ALOT of weight girl! Look at you and how thin you are!" This made my day because I have been getting quite proud of how I look everytime I get ready to go anywhere and look in the morror.... All it takes is one person to say something and it can make a whole day great!!! lol

On a side note but relevant, Jared recently was issued his dress blues uniform and I have been talking about going and getting really nice pictures done together with them- he in his blues and me in a nice formal dress- but this would have to wait bc I had weight to lose. Well, just last week my sister and I went out just to try on some dresses and see how I felt- see how much longer it would be before I would actually THINK about buying and posing in a dress much less feel comfortable trying many on. I am so oober proud to say the first one I tried on, this long tight flowing gown fit so nicely (and it was tight around the waist and backside)! I didnt have rolls or even the love handles I thought I had bulging out the side, it just smoothed straight down and dang my hips looked good! lol! I didnt get it bc it was this weird topped one and it really made me look flat chested as all get out but I was just so pleased that it wasnt a size 15 or something like that and that I looked so good, even my sister was impressed.... so I tried on some more too haha. One was this "pretty pretty princess" dress as Jacky called it. It was like a corset up top and then poofed out in layers all the way down to the ground all silver and sparkly. All I needed was a tiara and look out Cinderella! lol!

Anyway, since "FIT" is my word for this year I thought this post would be relevant and I want to look back on it one day and remember this good feeling!

My big big BOY!!

Today my handsome little boy turned 1! While he is still the same size he was at 9/10 months--because he never grows-- he is still a big boy now and it is actually harder to accept then I expected. Since he was born on my sister's 20th birthday, they both celebrated today- him 1 and her 21! As a gift for them both I brought them to the studio today and had their bday pictures done. I think they turned out super great but you can decide! lol

At first there was only going to be pictures of Chase and Aunt Jacky but when I got to thinking about it I realized I might look back and wish I had taken at least one picture with my son for his birthday... So I got a couple cute ones of us together.

I had these shirts made for the pictures. I thought it would be a cute idea to do a pose from behind and my boss took the photos and they turned out so cute! Chase did so well and it meant alot to Jacky to get pictures done with him!

I am quite proud of how these pictures turned out. I feel bad because I never got pictures done for the girls for their 1st birthdays like this... pictures around their birthdays yes, but not with th 1's and never of just them individually to celebrate. But I never worked for a portrait studio before with great discounts and opportunities either. So, you take each chance you can right? lol :)

Speaking of working at a portrait studio, I have some excellent news that I can finally share!

My district manager called me about a week ago and asked me if I was interested in a management experience they had available in Bowling Green Kentucky. The offer price was lower than what we could live off of, with moving and all, so I told him I needed a better offer but I was willing to move if the price was right. Today he called me and offered me a little more, still not enough for us to live off of... we had already found the most affordable place in Bowling Green and knew we had a certain price we could live with... so once again I had to tell him not unless we could bring the price up. Thankfully he has been very impressed with me and wanted me to have this job. He really went to bat for me with the regional manager and right before Chase's party tonight I got "the call" we had been waiting for. The right price with a guarantee raise within 3-6 months as long as I perform like I should. As excited as I am I also feel a bit nervous. This is a big responsibility and an opportunity for my family I am afraid I could mess up. I absolutely LOVE my job and have been aiming towards management since I started really. I am feeling quite blessed for this amazing chance and I am praying for the many blessings that I really feel will continue to come from this.

We will be moving the first week of February! That's nice and soon. lol. We havent decided whether we are going to move straight to Bowling Green or maybe the half-way point between here and there in Russelville. We dont have forever to decide so we are going to be going through all the apartments and rentals we can find over the next few days and make some phone calls and a drive out that way to view the area. Prayers please that we find the right place for us and the best place for our family to live.

Well there is an update for everyone! Wish us luck and blessings!!!

New Year

For my New Year's Resolution/goal, I am going to be a better blogger.... keep a better journal for my family's sake and so when I am 83 years old and can't remember my own name much less things I did in my 20's- I will have these journals/blogs to read over and remember how I learned, struggled, loved, lost, grew, shrank, wanted, pleaded, received, and all my many blessings from the Lord! I can remember how my kids discovered the world one small new adventure at a time. There is alot going on right now I can't really put on here yet, not until everything is final and set in stone, but the moment everything gets into place I want to put it all here so I can remember the joy and strength I had for my family and how amazing my husband, my kids, and my family were in supporting me.
I can't write much today, got tooooo much else going on, but as part of this new goal, I knew I needed to jot this down.
Also, my friend Laura has asked what everyone's "word" for this NEW year 2011 is... a word that details in a nutshell what your strongest goal is for yourself, what your biggest flaw filled area of your life encompasses and how you plan to change that.... and I got to thinking about it today while I sat in church for the first time in months because of all my crazy work hours. Pastor Tracy, a wonderful minister I feel very strongly was sent here to help me on my path to the Lord and who has influenced my better living by pointing me to the savior who can lead me through anything and everything, was talking about getting "fit" this year. Spiritually fit that is. The bible talks about it quite often and how important it is to get spiritually "fit". Within the idea of spiritual fitness is financial fitness, physical fitness, and relationship fitness. All areas of my life I need very much to work on.... So my word is FITNESS.... and by this time next year I do want to say YES, I have gotten spiritually fit, physcially fit, financially fit, and built stronger relationships with those in my life.
What about you?

So its been a Month and...

Mostly things havent changed.
Jared still hasnt found that job that the Lord has planned for him-- we are working on it. He did a few days of training this past week and completed them and passed so he is officially certified to do military funerals. This is quite a honor for him- he feels that way and I feel that way- because each of the fallen no matter how they passed served for our military and deserve these respectful funerals and to be able to participate in expressing that honor to their family is just an experience you can't get from anything else. He may/will have many a day that he has to fight back tears even though he claims he will never cry because he has no emotion- lol! He may be called to work a funeral on holidays, in the snow, in the rain, and on our anniversary.... but when my dad goes, when my mom goes, or when jared goes-- they deserve the honor of such a ceremony. Anyway- obviously I am very proud of him for doing this and the benefit will be a few days a week of work so that helps the pocket book. lol!
I am ABSOLUTELY loving my job. It has its moments- ups and downs- and there are some times when my love for kids can be tested a bit (smile) but its busy work and delightful work. Last week I had a little baby roll over for the first time ever in my room while we were doing a photo shoot-- her Mommy was so thrilled and LOVED the pictures I did to commemorate the moment! You dont get the opportunity to share in those moments with people in many other jobs! I am very much hoping to stay on after seasonal and one day get my own studio- it is definitely something I can see myself doing for a long time and loving. I just enjoy people and kids and photography and I feel so blessed to be able to get this opportunity to learn from great teachers and have a fun time doing it!
The kids are doing well in school. They have all been cycling through the colds already this season as the temps here have varied from 35 degrees to 70 somedays. I am hoping they get over them soon. We just got pictures done at the studio of them and I will hopefully get them on here soon for everyone to see. Dont worry family members- you will be getting pictures! lol!
Chase is so active these days. He pulls up on everything and tries to take a step and then laughs at himself and falls onhis butt...or face...or straight back on his head! lol! Its so cute to watch him. He eats so well- and loves all kinds of foods. His favorites include bread and honey butter, pancakes, OATMEAL!!!!!, fruits of all kinds, and rice and green beans together. He recognizes certain words like "eat", "drink", and "mama time"--- which means nursing before bed. I cant believe how much he grows everyday. He does the ADORABLE thing where he "stretches"! He holds his hands infront of him and then lifts them up above his head and stretches until we say "streeeetttcccchhhh"! Then he laughs and claps for himself. hahahahahaha. He is so cute!
Jared is gone at WLC for the next few weeks. Once again, I am so proud of him for making the list. Its not very often the guard sends it soldiers to WLC so to be chosen is a big deal around here. He is doing so well and he is hoping to graduate distinguished honor grad like he did from AIT! I know he can do it, he loves the leadership stuff and really enjoys being incharge and such so he will do great.
Thats about that for now. Tried to keep any yucky depressing news out of here because really why do I want to look back at that? lol!
Pics soon!

Kids & the Marshmallow Test

Watch this. It is too cute and goes along with the blog below this. lol. Hope it makes you laugh and think at the same time!!!

Friends, Marshmallows, and Opportunities

Well, some days are hard and others are harder... and then there are days (well in this case a whole week) where things really seem to be quite wonderful!
It all started Friday of last week when I finally got off my butt and went to Military Wives Bible Study-- a growth group I have been meaning to go to for like a year now! lol! It was just such an overwhelmingly wonderful experience. I was able to fellowship with some wonderful women who just touched my heart in so many ways. Women who could relate to what we are going through and women who might not be able to but offered wonderful advice and comfort. I was able to get out of the house and just take it easy for awhile without all the kiddos. it got my mind off of the unemployment we are dealing with and the insanity of everyday struggles we are beginning to face. For a day, life didnt feel like it just sucked!
Then, Saturday, I woke up well rested and made a big breakfast for everyone and started the day off much happier and calmer than other mornings. I felt rejuvenated and all in all like a different person.
That evening I was totally blessed to be given the opportunity to attend a baby shower of a woman who I am hoping will become a dear friend, but who I had only met once and hadnt seen in almost a year. We are mostly blog friends (see isnt blogging great) and our husbands have been friends for almost 15 years! I REALLY enjoyed myself and once again I was surrounded by some pretty wonderful women all of whom were very kind and fun to be around. I even made a new friend with whom I plan to have many fun play dates :)!
Sunday I had church and it was a great service. Pastor Tracy talked about temptation and how we all have a marshmallow (I cant figure out how to add the video to this blog so I will post it in the next one in just a second) in our lives that tempts us. He asked us to think about what our marshmallow is (again, watching the video will make this make more sense). I thought about it alot and I determined that my marshmallow is my faith right now in the sense that I can give up. My problem, my worry and fear, are right infront of me and I can explode and crash and burn and take them how they are right now--- with a weak faith, or I can wait and see what the Lord has planned for me and my family and not only end up with a better deal but also help strengthen my faith and build on my relationship with my Heavenly Father. While the first one seems much easier some days, just fall and bury myself in bitterness and defeat, obviously the second option, waiting for a bigger reward, is the better option. So, what is your marshmallow?

This weekend I also just found out that my sister and bestest best friend in the whole world is coming home for good by the end of the month! Words can not describe how amazing this is and how much it means to me. With everything going the way it has lately we both really need each other in a closer proximity and need good friends to help us through. Please pray that everything goes well and she gets back safely.

I suppose the second most exciting thing that happened was today's accomplishment... I got a job!!! YAY!! And not just any job, but one that I have been wanting for years. I start tomorrow at the Sears Portrait Studio in the mall as a photographer in training. It is a seasonal job right now- and I have been informed to expect to have no life starting now because after this weekend I will not have another weekend off until January! Photo studios are crazy during the holiday season so I should get plenty of experience and ALOT of hours. With Jared not knowing when or even if he is going to get a job, we have been so scared that we wont be able to meet out bill requirements after this month just off of his unemployment (we set aside as much as possible this last month of paychecks so starting this month when we werent making anymore we could still cover our bills and necessities but starting November we were gonna be REALLY struggling). This is such an awesome opportunity and a blessing for us and especially for me because it has long been a passion of mine to learn more about photography. My sister in law and brother in law are All Star photographers and I have admireed their work for awhile, but have never had the money to take any classes. Now I will get them for free and get tons of hands on everyday experience. Please pray that I handle the stress of the job well and that the Lord help me reach my full potential and then some in this environment. My biggest fear now is being away from my son. He is in that learning phase where he learns to talk and walk and eat big boy foods and I am so scared to miss it. But, I know that this is what is best for us all right now and I am VERY blessed to have my parents and soon my sister here to watchthe kids so I dont have to worry about my kids being safe with strangers.
Well, that is a heck of alot of stuff for just one week but what a great week it was. Please continue to pray that Jared find a job soon. He has applied for a position on post here that he is actually qualified for with experience and such and it would mean that we dont have to leave our family here and I can keep my job too.... fingers crossed and prayers a flyin.
Until next time...

..... different

My mother-in-law had little competitions for color challenges and Iwas going to try my hand at it but realized that, for challenges 10 and 11 I did not have all of any set of the colors.... so, I kinda combined them and made my own little card with the following colors.
-Garden Green
-Sahara Sand
-Daffodil Delight
-Chocolate Chip
-Very Vanilla
And, this was my final project.

Calendar Pages

I made a few other digital pages to put on a calendar I am working on for my Grandmother for Christmas. I want to do one for my Pampaw in Ohio too, especially since Mom has been working on genealogy and we have TONS of pictures of all my extended family on that side. Anyhoo, these pages dont have much in common with the month they represent, just fun pages to look at really.

Thanks Juanita!

My Mother-in-law recommended to me a way to do my scrapbooking without making a giant mess all over the room and worrying about my kids eating random scrap pieces! She has been asking me and Andrea to try this digital scrapbooking program called My Digital Studio for awhile now and for my anniversary last month my husband went ahead and bought me the program and a few extras to play with it. Of course, right after that my computer went down for awhile so it has taken me a bit to get around to doing some pages. I was very excited about this program because recently, in May,we had quite a bit of horrible rain here and some flooding. We had a box downstairs full of some books we had packed away and one of them was Ciara's baby calendar that I wrote EVERY little detail down in. Practically every day had something written on it. Well, we got quite a bit of damage in the basement and along with about 6 boxes of clothes, the box of books was ruined. Molded and destroyed. I could deal with all the other books not making it, but my heart broke when I saw Ciara's book. I copied down what I could from the pages saved, but pretty much everything was lost. With My Digital Studio, I can make all my pages, keep all my pictures and memories up to date and protcted from ruin, and make them fun too! So, here are my first few projects. I am learning so dont judge me too hard. lol.








On this one I actually took a few pieces (different sized and shaped stamps) and put them together to make the little hummer type truck. Very intermediate at best, but I thought it turned out quite cute.




I made the syringe on this one with the same concept as the truck.














My first few pages were all Chase pages because those were my most recent photos. More everybody-else pages to come. lol

I plan on doing a page like this for all the girls. I am starting a baby-book/calendar type scrapbook for each kid as a timeline type thing.






Well, that's what I got for my regular pages. I will post some from the calendar I am working on for my Grandmother soon too.

Still No Pictures

Wow. I am officially blog-grounded I think. I have posted sparingly and insufficiently these past few months and added like 3 pictures total! To quote the typical teenager these days "OMG!"
Sorry!!!! lol

And still, I post without ANY pictures to post. Well, not that I dont have any to post, just that I havent gotten them on the computer yet.... mostly bc I am lazy, but also bc I cant find the darn memory card reader to transfer all 4000 of my pictures onto the computer. Lame.

Well, Cadince just turned 4 last week. FOUR!!! How did that happen?! It hit me hard too. One day I turned around and my tiny little bug was 4! In case you are wondering though, she is still tiny. LOL! She has grown so much in this past year and is such an amazing big sister. It is nice to have the days while the big girls are gone at school to hang out with Cadie and Chase and watch them together. She and I do some school stuff every week for our "at-home" daycare and she is SO SMART. She catches on so fast and she really loves to learn. Chase absolutely adores her and when they play together he laughs so hard. She gets down on the ground and they crawl around together across the livingroom. Lovin it.

Ciara is loving Kindergarten and making tons of friends. She has had one minor incident (stepped on a girls foot when she cut in line at the slide) and we had a talk but other than that she has integrated quite well. Her teacher is quite lovely and I feel very blessed she feels comfortable in school and isnt scared without me.... but it kinda hurts sometimes. She doesnt even look back anymore when she gets on the bus or worry about what I am doing while she is gone. She had to stay home today because she was sick and she cried so hard because she loves Kindergarten and didnt want to miss her teacher anymore. lol. I guess I should just be glad she likes it while it lasts... pretty soon she will be faking illnesses just to stay away from school.

Cecilia has been off to a rough start in 3rd grade. Somedays she does excellent and enjoys it and other days she is so absent-minded about what she is suppose to remember to do and bring home and such. I fear she may have some ADD because she can not stay focused on anything... except art and reading. She can zone out on anything when she is reading and drawing. She had saved up money from her good grades last year and she finally bought herself a really nice art set and sketch pad. She is pretty good and Jared (my own personal artist who hides his talent but is really really good) has been teaching her some concepts and having her sketch different things different ways. I love watching her mind open up and her imaginaiton come out on paper.

Chase is 8 months old now and getting too big lol. He just moved into a big boy carseat, no longer in the infant carrier. He is a super picky eater, not with food but with WHEN he wants to eat and how much at a time. Fristrating but at least he eats... he gets like that with breastfeeding too. That one can be more painful than frustrating sometimes. lol. He is crawling (still more army crawl then hands and knees crawl) all over the place and it has become a necessity to baby proof the livingroom and surrounding areas now... and he still manages to find cords and shoe laces to chew on. He is adorable when he sits up and plays but he just doesnt like to sit up lately. He locks his knees so they stay straight and helays or crawls bu hates to sit. Boys will be stubborn boys.

Jared and I are still waiting.... waiting for a new job (his orders are up in 2 weeks), waiting to move into our own place again, and waiting for the other ball to drop so it seems. Everyday is a challenge with little to no friends around, no one to talk to, and with the thought of unemployment being our only income scaring the living daylights out of us. So, everyday I wake up I find a new blessing to dwell on. Something special the Lord has given me to help me smile that day and to keep the walls from falling down on me. Somedays all it will be is finding out that the toe I stubbed earlier that hurts like hades isnt actually broken-just painful. Thats nice. lol. But its a blessing.

I encourage any of you that actually read my ramblings to find a blessing, something besides the obvious fact that you are alive and you have a family bc thats cheating. lol. Its a challenge... and make a list of them for one week.... your list might surprise you. I am challenging my kids to do the same thing too.... a good habit I think :)
May God Bless you all and continue to bless me in all the insane and simple ways he does so everyday.